We Wish You a Stoney X-Mas
Let’s start with the fact that the average Christmas tree looks like a giant bud!
Just ask any stoner. So who can’t get with the giant bud holiday? Yeah!!!! Keep your beloved stoner extra happy on Bud day with this fun list of presents for the pot head who has everything.
You’ll get cozy around the Bud (tree), with spiked Eggnog and your favorite hemp pajamas, while unpacking 12 days’ worth of marijuana marketing.
Some silly, some funny, some shockingly tasteless, and some surprisingly practical gift items can be found below if the price is right. (or if you’re stoned enough to think these novelty gifts are irresistible).
I know a father/son team that each smoked out a different window throughout the kid’s teenage years and well into his 20’s.
This went on until the housekeeper outed these intergenerational stoners to one another!
Now they smoke together....Awwww.
If there is someone in your life who is a closet stoner, one of these fun gifts could be the perfect ice breaker. And every giant bud head needs some gag gifts from Santa.
Our Best Christmas Gifts For Stoners Suggestions
|Dope (Or Hemp) On A Rope||
|Rockin Gear Rasta Figurine Ashtray||
|Nu Trendz Signature "Sativa Twist" Weed Leaf Blanket Throw||
|Herb: Mastering the Art of Cooking with Cannabis||
|Cannabis Leaf Addicted Tee Men's Black T-Shirt||
|Medical Marijuana Coffee Mug-Healing Begins-Cannabis Leaf Peace Sign||
|MedTainer Storage Container w/ Built-In Grinder||
|Dope Jars - Herb Storage, Swing Top Stash Jar - with Dope Designs Deep Etched||
|Marijuana Pot Leaf Brownie Cookie Cutter Mold Party Novelty Joint Bud Smoke Gift - Stainless Steel||
|WEIYI Winter Leaf Cotton Marijuana Weed Stocking High Ankle Socks for Men and Women||
1. Dope (Or Hemp) On A Rope
In our family, soap on a rope was an essential “tiny,low-priced gift to keep the area around the tree full and make sure my Dad had enough present to open” gift.
Well this takes soap on a rope to a whole new level. Beautiful and refreshing scents of Eucalyptus and Peppermint are my favorite soap smells, plus it is made with natural oils like hemp and coconut.
The leaf shape will have everyone chuckling, and the merry laughter will jiggle their bellies like a bowl of jelly every time they soap up. Good clean fun!
2. Rockin Gear Rasta Figurine Ashtray
If you want to buy this tacky ashtray that verges on a Rastafarian Sambo doll, and feel good about ashing on Rasta’s head, while appropriating this culture stereotype for your own amusement, that’s your problem.
3. Nu Trendz Signature "Sativa Twist" Weed Leaf Blanket Throw
Now this is a present I can get behind. (or under). Beautiful in a cheesy psychedelic way, this is the perfect throw for your couch, to wrap around your drooling stoner friend (that’s me!) when she inevitably starts snoring. (yeah, that would be after she’s done licking the Doritos bag.)
Get cozy, and for the over-stoned (we’ve all been there), it will be a kind and gentle security blanket they can snuggle under, while staring as the Dance of the Leaves unfolds for their viewing pleasure.
Silk touch, baby. Machine washable the day after. Get one! Get me one!
4. Herb: Mastering the Art of Cooking with Cannabis
Now this is a good serious gift for your cerebral stoners, who think gag gifts are a waste of money, or your earth mother-type friends and Canyon ladies, who might make some brownies today.
With over 200 recipes, there will be no more guesswork and stress around the butter pan, plus your loved one can branch out beyond the brownie and really get into all the food uses of Marijuana. Yum!
5. Cannabis Leaf Addicted Tee Men's Black T-Shirt
If you think advertising your cannabis use as an addiction and lumping your beloved weed with truly addictive substances like cocaine, heroin, and coffee, is a fashion statement: again, that’s your problem.
If your stoner friend doesn’t come up for air, and you’re looking for a not so subtle hint that that sometimes less is more, than try it, I guess.
But you may just end up offending someone. In fact, I’m feeling pretty offended myself right now. Oh, wait; Adidas/ addicted, play on words, I get it, funny. Haha. Am I coming off as humorless in this article? I think its time to oil my gears. Be right back!
6. Medical Marijuana Coffee Mug-Healing Begins-Cannabis Leaf Peace Sign
Oh, I love this one! Yes, let the healing begin. Why am I all choked up? Why do I suddenly need a cup of tea?
I’m all for this lovely mug, and appreciate the sentiment, and the respect for the herb it displays. How about a cup of Cannabis Eggnog in this sweet mug, as your sit around giant bud and unwrap your dope on a rope? I’m in.
7. MedTainer Storage Container w/ Built-In Grinder
Oh Ya! Storage container with built in grinder! Who doesn’t want that? I want that. We all want one.
8. Dope Jars - Herb Storage, Swing Top Stash Jar - with Dope Designs Deep Etched
Celebrate Boxing Day with this kinda cutsie, glass storage jar with weed leaves embossed on the side. Sort of cute, sort of stupid. You decide.
9. Marijuana Pot Leaf Brownie Cookie Cutter Mold Party Novelty Joint Bud Smoke Gift - Stainless Steel
Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes. I love it. It’s adorable, fun, and practical. How so, you ask? I have a friend who doesn’t smoke.
She gets high from Tai Chi.
Imagine her surprise at that party when she innocently ate her way through 2 or 3 killer “special” cookies and found herself flat on her back for about 12 hours.
Sound fun? It wasn’t. And we wouldn’t want to ruin Christmas and have Santa stuck on the floor in a stupor, having lost the ability to tell the difference between naughty and nice; or care, for that matter.
So go ahead and mark your special cookies with the ultimate irie cookie cutter.
Keep Santa Safe This Christmas!
10. WEIYI Winter Leaf Cotton Marijuana Weed Stocking High Ankle Socks for Men and Women
Don’t we all have that one friend super into novelty socks? Go for it with these cozy pot socks, for stoners or non-stoners alike.
It’s cute, it’s comfy, it’s not offensive. Is it boring? A little: I’m suddenly seeing the Sambo-Rasta ashtray in a new and refreshing light.
You can skip the cultural-stereotype appropriation and give these socks a twist…stuff those stockings with a few nice spliffs and hang them from the fireplace.
I’m sure Saint Bic will climb down the chimney to gobble those up!
Have fun with this quirky list.
Everything is looking better now that I am gently medicated.
Likewise, your loved ones will feel comforted with their beloved herb turned into iconic merchandizing and sprinkled around their environment.
And why worry about idolatry…this is Christmas after all!
Nothing paganistic about that. Go ahead burn your own green Yule log and give it up to Saint Nic. And here is Stoney Santa’s special version of “Smoke Two Joints”, which is super funny if you are stoned!
“I smoke two joints on Christmas Eve, and two on Christmas morn! I smoke two joints before I smoke two joints, and then I smoke some more.”
Merry Christmas, stoners!